The person I meant to be

I find it difficult to express my thoughts, and I haven’t grasps the integration thinking process.
I am 68 years old and I am trying to get a full understanding of the Friday-night essence and the
neothink . I don’t know if I am ready for the meeting or even belong here. I agree with what I read in all three books, but I haven’t learned how to apply it. What do you suggest to help me better process this new technic to my life?